First published April 2022 in Flyy Girl Zone Magazine
The Problem
I was scrolling through YouTube, trying to find something entertaining to watch, when I learned the news about Ian Alexander Jr., Regina King’s son, passing by suicide. As a mental healthcare advocate, I made a video and posted it on my social media sites to spread awareness. I prayed for Ian, Regina King, and all those who struggle with mental illness, and those who succumbed to the disease. Ten days later, I was notified of former Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst’s suicide, and my heart sank. I imagined her standing in front of a window contemplating whether to jump or deal with the pain. Not again. Not, another suicide. I thought. I made another video, but I could not hold back the tears thinking of the torment she had gone through. Those who had committed suicide before her surfaced to the forefront and I knew it was time.
In 2012, when Don Cornelius, host of Soul Train, committed suicide and later Titi Branch, co-founder of Miss Jessie’s in 2014, too. I thought about how many other people were struggling with mental illness. At the time I was too busy battling my own demons to speak much about my past suicide ideation. Around the time Titi Branch committed suicide, actor Lee Thompson Young, Julian St. John, son of the late actor Kristoff St. John, and Robin Williams took their own lives, as well. But when I heard about Isabella Tichenor, a 10-year-old girl from Utah, committing suicide because of bullying, I knew it was time to tell my story and do my part.
Liz Tung reported on Whhy.org that a state of emergency was declared due to the rising number of suicides among Black children. Tung reports that in 2020, the CDC “announced that the rate of suicide among [children] ages 10 to 24 increased nearly 60% between 2007 and 2018.” Which leaves me wondering, what the heck is going on, and how did this go unnoticed?
Perhaps, the reason it went unnoticed is because while the number of suicides among white children decreased, the number among Black children increased by 73% “between 1991 and 2017,” making suicide the “second leading cause of death among Black children ages 10-19.” Stop the knell bell but ring the alarm, it is time for Black families to rebuild the village. We can’t just point the finger at Black parents because it takes more than two people to raise a child. Black people need each other to survive; more than that, we need each other to live. Perhaps, our community is silent about suicide because we are unaware of what suicide really is.
The confusion about what suicide may lie in the many different definitions. Rory O’Connor, author of When It is Darkest, says since there are many ways to “describe people who self-harm” it is important to be conscious about the way we describe—and talk about—those who make attempts1. Jason Manning defines suicide as the:
[S]elf-application of lethal violence. “Lethal” means violence that is life threatening, as when someone is shot, stabbed, or hanged…While the puzzle of why some suicide attempts are more lethal than others…for now it is enough to note that the topic of suicide includes all relatively lethal violence people inflict on themselves, even if they ultimately survive the attempt and regardless of whether they “truly” wanted to die3.
This definition may seem harsh, but suicide—along with the emotions that go with it—is never easy to deal with. In Black communities, people who attempt suicide and survive are often defined and treated as unstable by those who are aware of the attempts; and, for those that pass away, suicide is only discussed in secret and in hushed tones. Regardless of the whispers surrounding the suicides or attempts, one thing people really want to know is the what, when, where why and how part of suicide.
Suicide is personal for everyone, and different people have different reasons for why they choose suicide in the first place. We assume that someone was mentally ill or going through a mental health crisis when they made an attempt, but that’s just not true. Some people commit suicide as a means of “escaping” pain3, their environment, and their social situations. For instance, sometimes a moral situation can cause social disapproval to the point where someone will want to hurt themselves, like when some people get caught stealing from their company and the thought of losing their social and economic status is unbearable. On the other hand, old age, a health crisis, or an abusive living situation may cause someone to feel suicide is the only way out.
Believe it or not, people commit suicide as a means of political “protest3” as well. I read somewhere that a man set himself on fire to protest against the socio-political economic living conditions he was forced to adopt but was financially unable to adapt to. But other’s commit suicide to punish their loved ones or to inflict guilt and pain on survivors3. For example, we often see murder-suicides reported in the news when a scorned lover kills their partner. In some countries, people even commit suicide to “curse” someone, or for their death to be avenged by family members, and even to punish loved ones3. And, like we all may have assumed, people do commit suicide for psycho-emotional reasons. Meaning, mood disorders, such as major depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, and seasonal affective disorder can contribute to feelings of hopelessness; thus, causing the person to feel that suicide is the only way to ease the pain.
The real question, however, is: Why are Black people, especially Black children, attempting and committing suicide?
Not too long ago, either I read somewhere or heard someone say, they needed to take a day off from being Black. The socio-political climate was weighing heavy on her, as I suspect it was for the majority of Blacks in America, I know I lay in my bed many days stressed and fearing turning on the news. It seemed like every other day there was a Black man, woman, or child being harassed or killed by a white person or police officer, either that or there was footage of vandalism that some reporters contributed to the peaceful protest of slain Black men and women. It is safe to say that race and racism plays a role in people wanting to commit suicide. Tung says that the “inescapable” social media reports of violence against Blacks contribute heavily to stress among Black children12. You would think people would stop to ask themselves what “race” really is? and why it affects people the way it does—both victim and victimizer? But that is a topic for another day.
Another contributor to suicide ideation that we overlook is seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is a “type of depression…related to the changes in season6.” The origins of Black people in America—and the diaspora—can be traced back to the continent of Africa[i], which is sunny and has a warmer climatic condition. Meaning, Black people are more comfortable, happier, and more active in warmer climates. The Mayo Clinic reports that signs and symptoms of SAD include “feeling…sad or down most of the day, nearly every day,” “losing interest in activities,” “feeling hopeless, worthless, or guilty,” and “having thoughts of not wanting to live6.” But there are other major contributing factors to suicide that play a significant role in Black people and children committing suicide, and that is the psychological component of conflict.
How we interpret and process our financial situations, trauma, experiences, and relationships can determine our behavior and actions. There is no denying that unresolved mental illness can cause us to misinterpret a situation and may induce feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. The Associated Press reports that during times of crisis, people may attempt suicide. For instance, the blow of COVID-19 has shut down businesses, closed schools, generated mass unemployment, and caused the deaths of almost half a billion people worldwide. To say that these stressors weighed heavily on our mental and emotional health is to say the least. The effects of COVID-19 have taxed the world so much that people have and are taking their own lives.
The mandated quarantine produced tension within homes where people barely knew one another. Let’s face it, just because we live in the house with someone doesn’t mean we know them. By all means, let’s discuss how food, shelter and safety insecurities weren’t being met before COVID-19 and how it made situations worse for kids. There were countless social media post about people being stressed about the discord going on within homes, which stressed youth out more than anyone could have known. The growing conflicts within their homes caused some to commit suicide.
Conflict is not something that cannot be avoided in any community, workplace, or family. However, lack of maturized communication and lack of emotional understanding during a conflict has led to tragic events. Researchers report that, family conflict may be the biggest cause of suicide attempts and completions for Black children. In a report for the New York Times, Christina Coron and Julien James says:
…[A] government study conducted last year suggested that Black children and adolescents who died by suicide were more likely than white youths to have experienced a crisis in the two weeks before they died. They were also more likely to have had a family relationship problem, argument or conflict, or a history of suicide attempts14.
More conflict management programs in schools, communities, churches, etc. should be made available for not just Black families but for people period. Imagine what could happen if people actually learned to communicate with one another instead of fighting each other over a conflict that can be easily resolved. However, with all the traumas families face and individuals are left to deal with alone, the help of a professional is needed.
This calls for an upgrade in mental healthcare for Black people, one where they get a chance to receive mental healthcare from people who look like them. Perhaps, states and insurance companies should make it easier for Black mental healthcare professionals to see Black clients who can benefit from their services. It would be helpful if the state could set up designated spaces within mental healthcare facilities, hospitals, or doctor’s offices so clients can have access to laptops, phones, or tablets, and where they have the freedom to discuss their concerns privately. But that’s only one solution for a problem that requires many.
The Solution
For Black Americans, one solution that could diminish suicide is by learning about Black culture pre-colonization, as well as the truth about what happened to our enslaved ancestors that affected their actions, emotions, mental processes, and trauma responses. Learning about Black people pre-colonization will remind Black Americans that our ancestors were integral to the formation of society and civilization and were not always treated like our enslaved ancestors and how we are treated today. Even more so, learning the truth about how Blacks were treated could give us a clue about how they emotionally and mentally processed the torments of slavery. Having knowledge of such things can help determine why we respond to conflict and traumas the way we do.
Because we are still experiencing some of the same things our ancestors experienced, it is important for not only clients to learn about cultural history but practitioners as well. Tung says “Clinicians…should educate themselves about the history surrounding slavery, the fight for civil rights, and police brutality12” and the history of sexual violence endured by Black women and girls. Tung also reports on why mental healthcare professionals must be culturally competent when counseling Black people. Black parents/guardians discipline their children differently and are often criticized because of it, leaving Black parents reluctant to encourage their children to seek therapy from a white clinician. Tung quotes Isha Metzger when she says:
…Black parents…feel like they need to parent their kids more sternly…because they know if [the children are] noncompliant or combative, or don’t respond to requests in society, they can get beaten, that they can get shot by police, that they can get written up in school12.
In the article, Metzger is also quoted saying Black parents teach their kids from a “survival” perspective. Is that not how our enslaved ancestors parented, to make sure that their children didn’t do anything to piss off massa so they wouldn’t get beaten or sold? I don’t know which one was worse for a parent and a child to experience: the trauma of being taken away from families, or the traumas that came with being beaten and watching a loved one get beaten just because an overseer or slave owner was having a bad day and needed to take it out on someone. Does that not sound similar to what every Black parent fears when they send their child out into the world today? Hence, the communication between Black family members are important to survival, as well as maintaining mental health.
Armed with a basic knowledge of suicide, the different forms, and a basic reason why some Black Americans feel suicide is their only way out, we must come together as a nation, state, city, and community to decrease and stop the rising trend of Black people and Black youth committing suicide. But the question is, how can we make that happen when pain and experiences are personal? The number one answer to that is urgent patience. That means, we must not delay taking action, but we must be patient with the process.
Central to all social interactions is the ability to communicate well. Doug Batchelor writes in Choosing Life: A Christian Perspective on Suicide, that “90 percent of people who die by suicide” had “disorders” that were treatable4. I recorded a video today addressing a video going around about a Black child acting out in school. This child was throwing things around the classroom and the teacher had the responsibility of protecting the rest of the children from that child. I didn’t read many comments that identified the behavior as a child acting out. Tung quotes Mary May when she states that Black people are always on “edge” feeling as if there is a need to prove worthiness and that is where silence about mental disturbances comes from12. For instance, Black children are taught young not to discuss what occurs in Black households, leaving them unable to identify their emotions as well as dealing with their feelings on their own. Cristina Caron says that “positive messaging…can reduce the effects of racism on mental health13,” allowing Black children to feel more comfortable communicating their stressors and concerns.
Positive communication can also help to identify triggers. Learning what triggers an emotional response can deter a mental health crisis and redirect thoughts of not wanting to be alive to seeking help from a trusted professional. Along with communication, learning how to identify and link the emotion to a behavioral response can boost self-awareness and promote self-regulation. Knowing how to regulate emotions and behavior can put someone on the path to mental health.
In conjunction with learning how to communicate emotions, identifying triggers, and knowing how to self-regulate, there must be a crisis plan in place—along with a support team—for times when someone feels overwhelmed and spiraling out of control. It may not be enough to know how to redirect attention and self-regulate emotions. Sometimes we need our circle, our village, and our families to help us get through an unexpected crisis that causes uncertainty about the future, sort of like what happened during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Another solution is to implement emotional competency training in schools and around the community for children and parents. How can one learn to express socially acceptable emotional responses when they do not know how to? Blacks in America have learned passive-aggressive behaviors or/and to simply grin and bear it all in the name of not giving white people the satisfaction to know they hit a nerve. I have the “no satisfaction” mindset because I learned that some white people deliberately do things to provoke an emotional response. In a sociology course I took while I was working on my bachelors, one of the required readings by Stein stated that “the Negro was prone to fits of rage,” such as a child. In my experience in academia and the workforce, some white people still feel this way. Therefore, it is important for Black children and parents to learn how to express themselves so they will not give an agitator the satisfaction of emotional control.
Like Lee Thompson Young, an actor who suffered silently with Bipolar disease, there are many Black men, women, and children who struggle silently with mental illness and feel there is no way out except through suicide. It doesn’t have to be that way. The question is how can we as a marginalized group come together to solve our own problems instead of waiting for someone else to come up with a solution for us. The input from other groups are helpful, but we are the only ones who share an experience such as ours. I think the first step is unifying the family. That, however, is easier said than done, but it is a must for our survival.
[i] I’m not saying our ancestors did not reside in different regions before the African Holocaust.
Please email for reference at shawnte@amenya.co
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