First published in November 2021 in Flyy Girl Zone Magazine, updated September 4, 2024
November 8, 2024, marked the 14th year of my celibacy; however, it was not my first attempt at trying to get my life together. In 2002, I began the healing process, but in 2005, a few months shy of four years, I took an unexpected ride on an emotional roller coaster. My maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather had passed, and the plans I had for my future were disrupted. My boyfriend at the time was in prison and unable to comfort me, but I found it in an ex-boyfriend who came around to check on me. I don’t have to go into details about what happened between my ex-boyfriend and me, but it was one of the reasons my boyfriend and I broke up. But this isn’t about my one night of weakness, or about my relationship. This is about my lack of self-control, my fall from grace, and the healing that came with it.
After a previous four-year relationship ended, I took a break from dating to get my head and heart together. But y’all know how that works, right? Mr. Perfect, Mr. Right, Mr. Can-I-Be-Your-Wife came around toting temptation. But every time I thought about the possibilities of a relationship, Erykah Badu’s “Bag Lady”came on the radio, and I was convicted, which is the reason I decided to heal through celibacy. But you know how it goes when you’re young and think you know everything. I wasn’t entirely celibate, I had a male “friend” who was beneficial, if you get my drift.
What we don’t realize is that when we have sex with someone, we are exchanging energy, mixing spirits, and entering an imbroglio of emotions. Having sex with someone we do not know well or do not see a future with can cause us to operate at a low vibrational frequency. You can only imagine how frequency affects the mind, body, and spirit. A healthy person operates at a frequency of 62-70 MHz, and anything lower than 58 MHz can contribute to mental illness and can affect our body’s ability to fight off diseases1. Imagine dating a man who is jealous, insecure, and unstable. We have to consider how this will affect us. I’m not even going to touch on the vibrational frequencies of the other people he could be sleeping with and how their frequency can add to the baggage you’re already carrying. I was carrying so much baggage around from traumas that I was spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally stuck. It literally hurt to move, to breathe, and to feel. God was sending me signs that I needed to heal, but I didn’t know how.
After the deaths of my maternal grandmother, paternal grandfather, my ex-boyfriend—my sweet sixteen, the one who had been in prison—I broke. I couldn’t stand to be alone with my own thoughts, and I thought I needed to be in a relationship to feel like someone. It pains me to say this but I was desperate for validation. After a couple of months of meeting a guy I met on the internet, we made plans to spend the weekend with each other. Part of the plans was to have sex, but I wasn't feeling it. During the four-play, I lay there questioning why I was even there, and I cut everything short and went home the next day. Since then, I have been celibate.
Celibacy isn’t easy, and I learned so much about myself in the process. I didn’t realize how much I undervalued myself. We all have things we do not like about ourselves that we have the power to change. I began healing the most recent traumas until I came face-to-face with the root of my pain. Most of all, I learned the art of self-control through self-regulation; meaning, I am a master of delayed gratification. I still have some weaknesses, though, but I’m human. Make no mistake about it, I do not plan to remain celibate for the rest of my life. I do want to get married, but I do not want to bring any baggage into our sacred space. Besides, there is power in having control over who you share your energy with. There is nothing like the peace and clarity you find when you are in control of your choices.
Exploring the concept of healing through celibacy can be a fascinating journey towards understanding yourself on a deeper level. Celibacy, often associated with spiritual practices and self-discipline, has been a subject of interest for many seeking inner peace and emotional balance. However, there are many misunderstandings that cause people to shy away from it. By refraining from physical intimacy, individuals may redirect their energy towards self-reflection, personal growth, and spiritual development.
If you are curious to delve further into this topic and uncover the potential benefits of celibacy for healing, I invite you to reach out to me via email at shawnte@amenya.co
. I am here to provide guidance, share insights, and support you on your journey towards exploring the healing aspects of celibacy. Together, we can navigate this transformative path and discover the profound impact it can have on your well-being and overall life satisfaction.
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